Many single men and women who live with no close friendships with the opposite sex experience loneliness and despair. The longer this period lasts the deeper the feelings. Sometimes when people mistreat each other or use each other for sex or short term security the pain experienced causes bitterness and a period of abstinence where they stay away from friendships with the opposite sex.
In my other articles ‘My Sister‘ and ‘Who is my Husband?’ I discussed how many men use online social networking for short term sexual gratification with women who are using stimulating flirting to entertain them.
These same men can switch to trying to find a partner for a physical sexual relationship ‘turning on the charm’, in much the same way as they do in clubs, bars and everywhere else.
These habits and behaviours do not simply go away when they start to have a girlfriend, fiancé or wife. These behaviours are addictive. Women who find husbands online run the hugh risk of having a man who will not be faithful. So the problem is just as much prevalent with marriages beginning online as those who originate in more traditional ways.

With so much sexual impurity happening online and such high levels of addiction among men who use social networks, girlfriends end up trying to spy on their boyfriends and vice versa, to make sure they are not cheating. So.. ‘how can women find a bf with a clean mind?’. Despite what one might think, it’s not impossible!

First you have to understand there needs to be a cleaning process. This is because all men’s minds will become dirty on any given day after they wake up! They are bombarded with temptation from advertising and other women who dress to attact their gaze from the minute the leave their home and perhaps in their home via the media. So there has to be a cleaning process. The man must be actively involved as the mind is his personal property. Many women think that if a man loves them enough he won’t have a dirty mind. That’s not the case. Where these behaviours are concerned love is simply not enough. Here is a series of points to consider when a women is choosing a cleaning process.


1. You have enough cleaning to do without having to clean his dirty mind. You will be stressed every day if you make yourself the cleaner.

2. He can’t be the cleaner. He’s already too weak.

3. There has to be a unified standard of cleanliness. It has to be fully agreed. There has to be a standard operating system that defines the cleanliness and purity. It can’t be defined by men. They all struggle to be clean.

4. The man needs accountability.  He needs help. So this does involve other men!

Does any system like this exist in the world? The good news is… IT DOES!

True followers of Jesus understand and accept that they are all sinners BUT this does not mean they have a licence to go ahead and sin as much as they can.

Jesus commanded in Matthew 28:18-20 that his disciples would “go and make disciples and teach them to OBEY everything he had commanded them.” There is a huge difference between teaching someone and teaching them to obey. If a man is to be taught to obey he needs accountability.  He needs regular accountability. If he is to remain sexually pure, sexually clean he needs to confess regularly. He needs to confess to another man. This process is described in 1 John 1:8-10.

1 John 1:8-10 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.



Jesus disciples had faith in this process. The men and women confessed their sins to one another and strengthened each other against temptation with the encouragement of the Scriptures. The Bible says so.

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Jesus describes confession in  Luke chapter 18:13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ 14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted”.

For a woman to find a man who is truly purifying himself through this process, She must do several things. I will list some of them here.

1. She must believe that God exists.

2. She must accept that she also is a sinner.

3. She must find the true followers of Jesus that practice His purifying teachings.

4. She must become a true follower of Jesus.

5. She must be pure and be a sister to her brothers.

Maybe you are already looking for Jesus’ true followers. Do you want to know where to look? Who is the one who can help you?

I who speak to you now.. am he.

Love James


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: